BIN LADEN’S COURIERS ALSO IN CHARGE OF PROCURING BIN LADEN’S PORN SOME HERBAL VIAGRA AND SOME SHEIK CONDOMS.

 

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So many questions here. Bin Laden’s compound wasn’t hooked up to the internet and he apparently communicated with the outside world by saving files onto thumb drives and having couriers send e-mails and download new messages for him from a distant Internet cafe. Were those couriers also in charge of procuring bin Laden’s porn? Awkward. –
COURIER: Uh, I’d like to buy some porn.
PETE: Well, you’ve come to the right place. Here at Pete’s Porno Emporium we’ve got every type of porn known to man, woman, and those in-between. What are you into — chicks, dicks, chicks with dicks? We don’t discriminate like those nasty fundamentalists do.
COURIER: Uh, it’s not for me. It’s for a, uh, friend.
PETE: Sure, we get loads of requests like that — emphasis on the “loads.” Tell me, is this “friend” of yours married?
COURIER: He has three wives, but you know how it is….
PETE: Yeah, all burqas look the same after midnight. Marital boredom is inevitable no matter how many wives you have. Where does this “friend” of yours live?
COURIER: In a large, walled-off compound in the suburbs of Abbottabad. It’s kind of like the Playboy mansion — minus the Bunnies, of course.
PETE: That would make your “friend” Hugh Hefner. What is he into — gals, guys, bi’s, tri’s?
COURIER: Uh, he has very specialized tastes.
PETE: Kinky, huh? Don’t worry, we’ve got it all — S&M, B&D, C&BT. Golden showers, brown showers, double rainbow showers…
COURIER: No, nothing like that. He likes pork.
PETE: As in “porking” or as in farm animals? Either way, we’ve got you covered. We’ve got a video called Makin’ Bacon: Beauty and the Bestiality that you’ve gotta see to believe.
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