Western etiquette dictates that there are three topics never to be discussed at a dinner party – personal finances, politics and sex. Somehow my Indo-Pakistani /Muslim compatriots missed the memo on the first two topics. At parties I am routinely asked what my husband makes and how much we paid for our house. Fostering an air of ditziness (which, worrisomely, my questioners find eminently believable) I evade their nosy inquiries. The third topic of sex rarely arises.
Questions relating to adultery, abortions and contraception are taboo, yet the subject of homosexuality arises frequently and is a lightning rod sure to pull all into an impassioned discussion. At the latest party we attended, the homosexuality conversation became particularly loud and animated. My sons, trekking through the family room en route to dessert, watched the flailing arms and heard the raised voices. On the ride home they asked what everyone was arguing about and why the words “gay” and “lesbian” had the adults so riled up.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is absolutely false. Language used and tolerated says a lot about both individuals and society at large. Words and terms that are deemed politically incorrect today were routinely used in my childhood. “Doodiehead” and “Poopface” were popular insults in my home when my sons were little. They learnt the words in preschool along with various other forms of potty humor. Their three and five-year-old shoulders would heave as they gasped with laughter at any punch line that contained euphemisms for bodily functions.
As they grew older the potty humor gave way to more mysogonistic tendencies. “You throw like a girl” and “You run like a girl” were were considered among the sharpest of insults. I had grudgingly tolerated the bathroom humor, but was appalled at this new line of taunts. Where were the enlightened sons my husband and I were raising—the boys who learned to do their own laundry and work a vacuum cleaner? Meanwhile, my daughter retaliated by attempting to infuse a sense of inferiority into the boys because they were boys. Over time we managed to explain (me) and beat (my daughter) the male chauvanist attitude out of the boys. The fact that we could outrun and out-throw them at that point in their lives certainly helped our case.
The next verbal insults that invaded our home were homophobic slurs–not that the boys really understood what they were saying and the connotations that came with the phrases, “That’s so gay” or “He’s a fag.” They were repeating the insults heard in school hallways without realizing the significance of their words. Again, their father and I sat them down for a long talk. That was the easy part. Harder, was trying to reconcile the prejudiced attitudes voiced by Muslim friends and relatives and heard by our children. The Quran is the ultimate arbitrater in our home. I am not taking issue with its stance on homosexuality, but rather the violent response and language that accompanies discussions on the subject. Otherwise moderate friends said they would disown children who came out of closets. Relatives said they couldn’t watch television shows with gay characters. Homophobic phrases abounded at dinner parties thrown by normally moderate and enlightened friends. My children listened, as all children do, to these adult conversations and I worried that they would not be able to distinguish between one particular behaviour of an individual and the totality of the person. I did not want my children to condemn and discard an entire person because of one aspect of his/her behavior.
What offended me the most is that the subject of homosexuality brings out an unprecedented amount of vitriol. Because homophobia is so widespread among friends and family that simply dropping anyone who held these attitudes was not an option. We however, needed to mitigate these influences. We reiterated concepts that we had tried to teach since birth. Simply, that it is not the children’s place to judge or condemn anyone. That alone is Allah’s privilege. Their requirements for friendship should be, “Is the person nice? Kind? Funny?” Sexual orientation should not be a consideration while ethical integrity should be.
Has it worked? Yes. My children’s admiration can be earned by scoring an exceptionally high score on the video game FIFA 12 or being able to dunk like LeBron James. You’ll earn my daughter’s respect if your outfit is exceptionally cute. Am I still working on this? You bet, but I can live with it because their judgments are based on their own belief system and criteria, but not on the color of anybody’s skin, religion, bank balance or sexual preference. And anyone who has a problem with that really is a doodiehead.
ONE MALAYSIA PIMP CLUB NOW UPGRADED TO ONE CHIBAI CLUB
This is a joke,the same bunch of scums keeping themselves in the news. Any prostitute in the chow kit area would have more audience than this scums.
Perkasa has out-dictatored the UMNO. Remember? Its party line was paramount, and had to be followed regardless of the havoc it wreaked on the administration ofUMNO. During the Mahathir regime, the dictatorship of the proletariat — actually that of its puppeteers — led to the withering away of the UMNO in a manner that Malays never intended.Now Nalla ezamummi wants to achieve in 34 weeks what the Left managed in 54 years.
‘If you want to build up the party, don’t party with the opposition’ is the latest in a long line of serial strangulations from Ummilady boss of the Perkasa one CHIBAI Club . The club has now forbidden its cadres from having any social contact — and certainly no matrimonial contract — with anyone from PKR. The party adopted this policy to hammer its rank and file into a mean though not lean fighting machine in preparation for the 2013 elections.
The rule applies not just to the Perkasa one CHIBAI Club members but to his or her whole extended phamily. No love must be lost to the enemy, whether it is your own chheley-meya or whether it is Pontoo, your pishima’s phat and phavourite son. Political dadagiri pales before Didigiri.
Imagine the fallout. UMNO’s time-honoured practice of being ‘neka’ (the coy flirtation which only the Ballygunge Bonita can achieve) will no longer be circumscribed by the geographical limits of the local para; the boundaries will now be the party lines. And Big Sister’s neighbourhood boudis will be ‘showing red eyes’ to anyone whose slightest glance strays in the wrong direction.
However, no love-torn youth — stopped midnote in romantic Robindro Shongeet — should complain. Or sing the blues like the UMNO buildings that UMMI has ordered repainted in this hue. Hasn’t our Great Leader set the example of supreme sacriphice? Hasn’t La Belle Dame Sans UMMI completely abjured all matters of the heart so that she can head the party? And behead anyone who dares dissent. Even in fun on Facebook.
And soon it may come to pass that the glorious land of ‘No UMMI, only Ban’, will be ruled by UMNO members as pure-bred as a prize Rottweiler or the authorised tenant of a Parsi Baug. They will be completely blue-blooded, with not a taint of Red coursing through their veins.
But wait a minute. Should we be sniggering on every news channel? Doesn’t every sub-sect of every community clearly demarcate its social exclusion zones, and aren’t some khap panchayats ready, willing and able to kill to preserve their gotra rules? So why shouldn’t political parties do likewise? After all, what’s losing a mere daughter compared to losing an election?
Don’t undermine the dangers. It all starts with an innocuous sharing of a shinghara with someone from the other side of the Unbridgeable Divide. Then, the perfidious heart takes a great leap forward like Mao’s army. Next, this young UMNO worker’s steadfast loyalty to Ma, UMMI, MamA-UMMI gets shaken like a mall during the recent tremors. And before you can say ‘Poriborton’, the party has lost the election. Eeesh!
Actually, far from insisting on ‘political purity’, the UMNO is quite open-armed about it. Its ban extends only to its visceral foe, the PKR. As of now, if a PKR minion were to exchange ‘gossips’ and rosogollas with a umno mohila or a PAS boy, our starchy lady of the unstarched boob will look on only benignly.
It’s quite a change from other parties’ insistence on ‘keeping it in the family’. Their workers can fraternise socially with any party colour of their choice, provided they elect only the right mahathirist or Kataks or SOILED DIcKS scion to the leadership.
Alec Smart said: ”How much longer can UMMI live with the Ezan and Nalla dicks of Damocles hanging over her head?” Pity some people. Everywhere they go…and whatever they do….they could only see the ghost of Anwar Ibrahim. to these people, I say…go and find the shortest rope and the tallest tree and hang yourself to free yourself out of this mental predicament.
Have we now turned into a nation where each citizen bears the right to ridicule another’s sentiment in an open festival of its culinary preferences?
What do the young malay leaders at the top have in common? are they leaders of the “traumatized generation”. Each joined UMNO had been humiliated in the 1980s Mahathir’s war which ended not only in the gut-wrenching surrender of malay diniginty to MCA generalS, but, The only war that UMNO has fought,civil wars of course,Malay … Read more