BACK IN 1994, THE THEN CHIEF MINISTER OF MALACCA, ABDUL RAHIM THAMBY CHIK, WAS REPORTED TO HAVE RAPED A 15-YEAR-OLD SCHOOLGIRL (UNDER MALAYSIAN LAW, SEX WITH A MINOR CONSTITUTES STATUTORY RAPE). LIM GUAN ENG, CURRENTLY THE CHIEF MINISTER OF PENANG AND THE THEN MP FOR KOTA MELAKA, SPOKE OUT AGAINST THE RAPE OF A MINOR AFTER THE GIRL’S GRANDMOTHER-CUM-GUARDIAN, WHO WAS ALSO LIM’S CONSTITUENT, TURNED TO HIM FOR HELP.“There’s a hole in the bucket, dear rosmah dear Liza,” sang Rahim Thamby many moons ago and those of us who grew up singing along, generally chorused, “Then fix it, dear Rahim Thamby
, dear. Rahim Thamby Fix it!” Right now, there is a gaping hole in the pussy bucket —but who’s going to fix it, dear rosmah dear rosmah? Not mahatir, for sure. He has finished ‘owning up’ , remember? As a bewildered and increasingly frustrated nation watches the muck flying around, there is disquiet building up within a certain section, which needs to be paid attention to… or else. Or else what, the cynics will ask. Or else the hole will get bigger and bigger and nobody will be able to fix it, till it’s too late. With all the leaks doing the rounds, it’s time to just say it out loud—UMNO is in a mess. A gigantic mess. And unless we acknowledge this nothing is likely to change in the near future.
Dari cerita orang yang rapat dengan Rahim Thamby Chik, sebelum Rosmah diperkenalkan kepada Najib beliau adalah kendak Rahim. Rosmah berharap dapat kahwin dengan Rahim. Rahim ini hebat orangnya dan bukan calang-calang lelaki. Rosmah tidak dapat tundukkan Rahim. Rahim lagi bijak darinya. Rahim tahu Najib suka perempuan-prempuan seperti Rosmah. Mereka satu kem. Kem buaya darat. Mengikut cerita kononnya dalam dia sudah jadi isteri Najib dia masih berjumpa Rahim. Betul ke? Kalau betul, jahat sungguh awak ni…
Untuk lepaskan dirinya dari Rosmah dia cepat-cepat paskan Rosmah kepada Najib. Dia beri pengakuan kepada Rosmah, kalau dia baik dengan Najib dia boleh dapat kawasan balak. Negeri Pahang banyak balak, Melaka tidak ada balak.
Rahim bukan mudah dikenakan orang. Di Negeri Melaka ketika dia menjadi Ketua Menteri, dialah raja. Mengikut cerita orang-orang Melaka kononnya beliau pernah menghalau Pegawai-pegawai Majlis Ugama Melaka dan Polis dari bilik hotelnya di Hotel Ramada. Mereka datang menyerbu ke bilik hotel itu apabila terima laporan ada orang berkhalwat. Apabila sampai ke bilik itu yang di dapati berkhalwat ialah Ketua Menteri Melaka sendiri Rahim Thamby Chik dengan seorang gadis jurujual.
Najib walaupun buaya besar seperti Rahim Thamby Chik, kena dengan Rosmah dia kalah dan terduduk. Lupa diri, lupa anak bini. Balak Pahang pun dia berikan kepada Rosmah. Hotel Hyatt Kuantan menjadi tempat mereka berkendak tidak kira siang atau malam setiap kali Rosmah datang ke Kuantan.
Apabila Najib ke Kuala Lumpur mereka berkendak di Hotel Shangri-la kerana Najib tinggal di situ dan pejabat Rosmah di Bangunan SPK berhampiran dengan hotel itu.
Sejak dia mengadakan perhubungan sulit secara haram dengan Najib dia lupa terus kepada suami dan anak-anaknya.
Mengikut cerita orang, Rosmah, Najib dan Toh Puan Rahah masa pergi ke Mekkah kali kedua, mungkin untuk membuang dosa kononnya, semasa dia berjalan mengelilingi Kaabah, dikatakan terkena baling batu yang tidak tahu dari mana datangnya.I am a goddess. I’m not the one professing it. No, no. A goddess wouldn’t be so tacky to be judge in her own case. Mon dieu, non!
The world is trumpeting my glory: You just have to look around you. The Wall Street Journal is saying it. The New York Times is affirming it. The Washington Post is asserting it. Oprah Winfrey is broadcasting it. And I’m glad to say that I concur.
I’m French and in your country, I’m as divine as the Holy Ghost. I know, I know, I didn’t create the universe. I accomplished far better.
See for yourself: French women don’t get fat, don’t get old, don’t get wrinkles, don’t get gray hair, don’t get lung cancer (despite smoking two packs of Gauloises a day), don’t get bad breath (despite smoking two packs of Gauloises a day), they don’t raise brats, and most importantly, they don’t sleep alone. French women are seductresses; they are elegant, sexy, sensuous, and irresistible. Elles sont fabuleuses!
Still not bowing to my glory in devout adoration? Take a look at the shelves of any Barnes & Nobles:
– French Women Don’t Get Fat (Publisher: Knopf)
– What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind(Publisher: Berkley Trade)
– French Women Don’t Sleep Alone (Publisher: Citadel)
– French Women for All Seasons (Publisher: Knopf)
– How To Dress Like A French Woman (Kindle Edition)
– Fatale: How French Women Do It (Publisher: Bridgewood Press)
– Entre Nous: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl (Publisher: St. Martin’s Griffin)
– La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life (Publisher: Times Books)
And I could carry on…
When publishers rack their brains for the next best seller, what do they look for? Some lingerie, some je-ne-sais-quoi, some croissants, et voila! French has been the keyword to guarantee a publishing success. You want a best seller. Pour the French dressing onto it.
The latest publishing phenomenon, Bringing up Bébé asserts that French parenting is the greatest. It made the front page of the weekend review section of the Wall Street Journal. “Why French parents are superior” the title said. And truly, given how much Murdoch hates the frogs, when his flagship paper genuflects to France with such veneration, you know you’ve pinned the TRUTH.
Yes, I am the best breeder of children. Look: my kids eat spinach by the truckload. They sit quietly at the table through a three-hour meal. They knew how to decipher Merlot from Pinot Noir before they knew their alphabet.
Jamie Cat Callan, another apostle, recently informed us that French women don’t sleep alone. In her eponymous book, she reveals, and I am quoting her, that French women “don’t listen to Dr. Phil’s advice. They don’t worry about the care and feeding of their boyfriend. And they certainly don’t travel to Mars to communicate with men. On the contrary, French women’s love lives are romantic, sensual, playful, and intense. They conduct their relationships with the same unique sense of originality and artfulness that they choose their clothes and accessories.” Jamie is so spot-on: I put the same effort in my relationships with my numerous lovers as into picking my socks. My lovers… ahh, they all kneel to me in absolute reverence, and not simply to provide my favorite sexual gratification. They do adore me. Simply because I treat them with the intensity I usually devote to my hosiery.
Should I add that I am a goddess in bed? You probably knew that already. So did Debra Ollivier. The American author and I never had sex. But she wrote a book about it. It’s called What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind. She knows that when I go out to a party, I just have appear, and men come rolling to my feet asking me to become their paramour.
Over the years, French-American relations have been complicated. Today, it’s absolute love, but a few years back, the US graced their Trans-Atlantic friends with “the French bashing”. One of your congressmen wanted to rename “French fries” “Freedom fries”.
The French bashing… How entertaining that was. You silly facetious Americans, you! Do you think that you can hate the French?! Seriously?! Of course, you can’t hate us. We are so charming, so délicieux, so chou à la crème, so brioche, so haute couture.
What would you do without French wine, French cheese, French bread, French press, French toasts, French doors, French mustard, French kiss. Go ahead, try to rename all this French stuff with a Freedom prefix. You would end up with Freedom barricades.
The people must be intelligent and serious in selecting leaders to govern the nation, in order to maintain the administrative structure practiced for the last 55 years.