A life and death under Twitter spotlight will go smiling, Sunanda had tweeted

So now there’s something called the “Selfie Olympics”!!! For the uninitiated, a ‘selfie’ is a photo of yourself shot by you. In a world that’s been so obsessed with the lives of others, it’s amusing and perhaps refreshing to see such an incredible focus on the self coming into play, at least amongst the tech savvy globally. Narcissism isn’t a healthy thing, and perhaps the over-the-top, sometimes dangerously shot ‘selfies’ are of concern, but in general sense, how very nice that people are learning to focus on themselves, pun intended! It’s said that your eyes are the windows to your soul, but a camera is a window to you. It’s your world, your reality, your expressions, your personality, your creativity, your reflections in a captured moment. The same way an X-ray tells you what’s happening physically, a ‘selfie’ shows you what’s really going on with you. I suggest you take ‘selfies’ regularly and study them. Zoom into your smile and your body language. Look deeply at it. Over the years we become jaded, cynical, and listless, our smiles get mechanical and eyes lose their sparkle. If you allowed yourself to get this way, you owe it to yourself to undo the damage. Let ‘selfies’ be your route to a transformation. Be spontaneous, think happy, naughty thoughts and do whatever it takes to put the zing back in those pictures because life is all about relationships and the most important one is your relationship with yourself.

Main apni sab se favourite hoon!” Somehow this sentence spoken by Kareena Kapoor Khan in Jab We Met, and the sparkling eyes and grin that accompany it, have stuck delightfully to my consciousness over the years. Apart from the obvious love story, at another level, the movie was a beautiful portrayal of a confident young woman who completely loses faith in herself, and then slowly regains it with the help of the man she had once taught to believe in himself.

Interestingly, I thought of the line while standing in a girls’ school for the underprivileged in Sardhana, Meerut, as a roomful of class II students wished me, “Good afternoon, Madam,” and then proceeded to read out the English words on the board with confidence. How wonderful if these girls grow up with the bubbly self-confidence of Geet in Jab We Met, I thought.

It is only natural that we should all be our own favourite selves. What stops us from imbibing all the qualities that we admire and revere? Nothing but a lack of self-confidence, a doubt that perhaps we are not really as deserving as we should be. And so, we constantly look outside for approval and endorsement, ignoring the voice within that knows best. The only voice that speaks to us with reason and instinct on its side, the only voice that has no ulterior motives, which sometimes even those closest to us unintentionally have.

We are surrounded by people trying to undermine our self-confidence. I find it a sin beyond redemption when I see people change their natural selves or kill their dreams to suit another. I cannot stand it when I see eyes that seek the endorsement of another, sometimes after every sentence that is spoken.

We all seek to control each other by creating dependencies. Men and women play this game with each other all the time. Men do so by reinforcing the myth that women are useless outside the home, in offices and particularly in dealing with money matters. Women try to control men by reinforcing the myth that men are helpless in the house and totally dependent on wives. Colleagues, friends, siblings, lovers, spouses – all perpetuate such myths. We can choose to believe such self-serving beliefs and stay helpless all our lives, or step away and discover a whole new, independent world.

People seek to feel better about themselves by thinking less of another, and usually the ones closest to us are the victims of this battle for one-upmanship. It takes immense effort to understand this and break through to a state where one can develop the kind of confidence that does not look at another for approval. A state where we are our own masters and never feel guilty or regretful about anything; where we have nobody else to thank nor to blame because we make our own bed and lie in it.

Difficult yes, but not impossible. As we step into 2014, let us chart our own moral and ethical compass. Let us give up bothering about what people will say, or what the world will think. We can be our own judges, and compete with nobody else but our own selves. Let us allow ourselves to dream big, believe in that dream, and aspire for it. Let us resolve to start walking towards our dream with a no-nonsense walk, self-assured voice and eyes that exude confidence – all these serve to surround us with an invincible winner’s  aura that attracts all good things. And then, who can stop us from becoming our own favourite persons?

 The twitter slugfest erupted in all its bitterness, and Sunanda found herself trending again for all the wrong reasons. And then came the reports that she could neither deny nor scoff at – of her being found dead.Everyone knew Sunanda, said to be from Jammu, with an Army background. Many knew her as an entrepreneur. An article by Vrinda Gopinath in Outlook claimed that Sunanda’s second husband, Sujith Menon — who was once the best friend of her first husband, Sanjay Raina — committed suicide after they split.

Sunanda unwittingly found herself a trending twitter topic once again when Gujarat CM Narendra Modi took potshots at Tharoor’s personal life, and said his wife was once his “50-crore-rupee girlfriend”. Tharoor gallantly defended Sunanda. He retaliated, again on Twitter, “My wife is worth a lot more than your imaginary 50 crore. She is priceless. But you need2be able2love some1 2understand that.” The first rumours of everything not being rosy in their marriage began to surface. Initially Tharoor and Sunanda still attended social events – but separately. And then came the absence – Tharoor still turned up for official events, but Sunanda was off the radar. Those who knew the couple well said they were spending time apart. But when TOI met Sunanda, she laughed it off with, “Oh, I was getting treated, my son was not well, and Shashi’s got work to do.”

“joh hona hota hai woh hokay rahega. “Hastay huay jayengey (whatever is destined to happen will happen. will go smiling)”, were the among the last tweets of Sunanda Pushkar, wife of Union minister Shashi Tharoor, who was found dead in a five-star hotel room here on Friday night.

Sunanda spent the wee hours of Friday on micro-blogging site Twitter.

Her tweet at 5.27am said “a close frn of mine got, so made she did it but as v Hindus says joh hona hota hai woh hokay rahey ga.”

This was followed by another tweet three minutes later in which she replied to one of her friend inquiring about her health. “will try, got so many issues diagnosed in KIMS (Kalinga Institute of Medical Sciences) that now who knows when I got 2 go with joy hastay huey jayengey.”

She wondered why her fight with Pakistani journalist Mehr Tarar over an alleged extra-marital affair with her husband could make headline news.

“Guys btw this is a personal affair why is it headline news? All u have achieved is Mehr telling lies & her 5 mins of fame I have all the bbm,” was her tweet at around 6am.

Embattled with a twitter war with Tarar, a Pakistani journalist, for allegedly “hitting on” on her husband, Sunanda was actively replying to tweets from others and in reply to one such she had said “sadly it’s not the men it’s the woman who hit on a man when the wife is out 2 get treated how gross.”She had even replied to one tweet which suggested that she should stay off the controversy saying ” LOL I don’t care about that but does a woman have to berate me 2 do that. my husband wants 2B with her I am the last one to stop.”
Sunanda, an avid twitterite, had late on Thursday night told her friends on the networking site that Tarar was “lying”.

Responding to a talk show on a news channel, she tweeted “saw your show and must tell u the @mehrtarar has lied outright I have all her emails and her bbms to my husband. I don’t lie,” she stated in her last tweet.

She added she was sick at the moment. “sadly, I am too sick at the moment but will talk it one day and it’s disgusting for @mehrt,” she said in one of the tweets.

However, in another post, Sunanda had denied she was seeking divorce from Tharoor.

Her twitter account saw much activity with several people posing questions to her, to many of which she replied.

Pushkar had further stressed that she and her husband were leading a happy life. “my husband @ShashiTharoor &I are very happy so a Mehr isn’t going 2bother me all her lies on TV amused me,” she stated.

On January 15, she had said, “had the audacity of a woman desperaely in love with an Indian “please shashi dont make me go i pleaded and begged i love u Shashi “


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