What are you waiting for? Tonight is the night!

… Madly and Eternally in love.

Ever had a mind affair?Delving into the depths of another mind can be both interesting and adventurous.Similar minds attract while different ones mesmerise.

..

Let’s rediscover the fire, and let our eyes burn with desire, like they did on the day we took our sacred vows. Because without that tingling ingredient called ‘passion’, a marriage will sooner or later lead to heartbreak. And that’s just not worth it right? Hmm…This has put me in the mood to ‘show some loving’ to the hubby. What are you waiting for? Tonight is the night!

fantasising about later that night, when he would have her all to himself.

.“A secret locked” is supposed to mean, a Muslim woman’s beauty, which she has kept under her physical hijab, “A tale untold” is supposed to mean her personality which she has kept reserved with her inner hijab which is her sense of modesty Wedding Night of a Muslim Woman My secret locked, a tale untold,The only key, within your hand, Too sacred for them to be hold, To pure for them to understand. Tonight I tell that tale to you,An open book for you to read,Your book, I yearn to read it too,And share each breath, your every need. Gone the lonesome years, weeks, days,For now our hearts have taken flight, You look at me with longing gaze,And I, at you with shy delight. Love me; love all that I am,Cherish me as precious treasure, Teach me with gentle guiding handEndlessly seeking His pleasuree that sizzle and spunk, when it is in our control? Do you feel like it is disappearing? Maybe you can plan that ‘hot date’, with the hubby, where you entice him with your love. Compliment the wife on how sensuous she looks in that dress you bought her. Get on that plane and escape to an exotic island where its just you, him and the blue ocean. Or just lie in bed in each others arms — communicating and cuddling!

You and I are nothing more,

 

than pieces on a chessboard;

Parts of a puzzle design,

made by the same Divine.

On the road but you have no destination.

No words said but you can feel the sensation.

This world seems unreal so you hide in your imagination,

We are only characters playing a role as God’s creation.

Every downfall is only a path to spiritual elevation,

Get up brilliant noble people of Malaysia

Forget everything and enter the world beyond sound or hue.

Feel the heart’s rhythm that God will take care of you.

You don’t know it but it is a Divine Miracle.

Only if you breathe it in can you reach your pinnacle.

Embrace it slowly and do not listen to the cynical.

We are so determined to make ourselves the obstacle,

There is someone watching us outside of our minds’ cubicle.

Say it loud and clear and break the chains from the physical.

Use not your eyes but your heart to look past the view.

Fall into the fact that God will take care of you.

Men and women having extra-marital affairs is common these days. One partner usually gets bored with the other, or ‘tempted to cheat’, like in the case of my friend. Have we become so liberal and modern in our approach, that we look for the zing outside our marriage, and have no willpower or want to resist infidelity? What may start out as casual and harmless flirting, suddenly turns into a torrid affair, and before you can stop yourself, it’s too late!What is happening? Why are so many marriages collapsing around us? Don’t you often hear of newly-weds or couples that are married for a few or sometimes many years, just falling apart? Is it because the ‘passion’ between the couple, the ‘zing’ that holds them together fades away? Maybe. Are we allowing it to happen, due to several ‘cliched’ reasons? Let’s see.

I have some questions about rights to sexual intimacy (all related questions):

1) If a wife has to always fulfill her husband’s sexual desires even when she doesn’t want to, does this mean that he has to fulfill her desires when he doesn’t want to, as well? Can a wife “demand” sex as husbands can?

2) Is it sinful for a husband to refuse his wife? If refusing a husband can lead him to other sin, doesn’t refusing a wife lead HER to sin, as well?

3) What constitutes a “valid” reason for refusing intimacy? For example, even though husbands can enjoy their wives while they’re menstruating by putting a garment over their privates, does she have to engage in intimacy if she is having slight cramps, not even a “valid” sickness?

4) Shouldn’t the husband just respect that his wife is simply “not in the mood”? Wouldn’t he enjoy it more if she IS in the mood, or is he like an animal that needs his desires fulfilled ASAP?

Please help me as I have trouble coming to terms with this seemingly “unfair” concept, even when the couple is mutually respectful and communicative. If a sister could answer, that would be appreciated. May Allah reward you best.

Why are arab/muslim men so inhibited in their sexual relations with their wives? I am an American woman married to a Tunisian. I, along with several of my husbands friends wives have the same issue with our sexual relationships. Our men are selfish lovers and frankly have no clue how to please a woman, nor do they try.
Is this cultural because they are taught sex is dirty. And why are they so fast to be done?

Men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse and women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts, a new study has revealed.

Findings from the study of sexual and sexual-health behaviours conducted by Indiana Universityhas provided an updated and much needed snapshot of contemporary Americans’ sexual behaviours, including a description of more than 40 combinations of sexual acts that people perform during sexual events, patterns of condom use by adolescents and adults, and the percentage of Americans participating in same-sex encounters.

The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour (NSSHB) is one of the most comprehensive studies on these topics in almost two decades and documents the sexual experiences and condom-use behaviours of 5,865 adolescents and adults ages 14 to 94.

According to the study’s findings, one of four acts of vaginal intercourse are condom protected in the U.S. (one in three among singles).

“These data about sexual behaviours and condom use in contemporary America are critically needed by medical and public health professionals who are on the front lines addressing issues such as HIV, sexually transmissible infections and unintended pregnancy,” said Michael Reece of the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion.

Debby Herbenick, of the CSHP said Herbenick said: “Findings show that condoms are used twice as often with casual sexual partners as with relationship partners, a trend that is consistent for both men and women across age groups that span 50 years.”

The report has also suggested that adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one.

Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviours and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use. Although these individuals may not be as concerned about pregnancy, this suggests the need to enhance education efforts for older individuals regarding STI risks and prevention.

The findings were published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine .

into flashback mode! Let’s cut to today. Two years after this grand wedding

getting a divorce“Why?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and almost choked on my green tea. “He is having an affair”, she howled, while gulping some more wine. “I caught him with a 20-year-old blonde bombshell! He took her to Paris, saying he was going on a business trip and I followed them there. You can’t imagine what he was doing to her”, she croaked, wiping her smudged mascara. “That is impossible, you both could barely keep your hands off each other at the wedding”, I said, “You’ll were so in love!” Fresh tears flowed from her eyes. “That was only for a few months after the wedding, and then he started getting bored. He wanted her! He is not willing to give her up and so I left. I’m back, it’s over,” she said sadly. The love, the desire, and the fairy tale wedding was now a bitter past. with the same bride who is now crying her eyes out, blowing her runny nose on a tissue, shoving spoonful’s of comforting salted caramel cake into her mouth, downing serious amounts of white wine and trying to talk to me at the same time. We are sitting at our favourite restaurant in Bandra, where we earlier spent hours discussing her romance… and now here she is, an emotional wreck! “Ok calm down love,” I told her, shocked to see her in this state.  When she phoned me this morning saying she is back from London,(where she lives with her hubby) and needs to see me urgently, I though she was going to give me some good news. I almost congratulated her thinking a baby was on the way. That’s the natural progression right? But oh no, look at her weep!

Western and Eastern authors have historically painted a picture of the Muslim world as one in which the sexuality of Muslim women flourishes behind closed doors. It seems that in these secluded spaces a secret is passed from generation of women to generation of women about how to actively create a vibrant sexuality within the private sphere. In light of the public-private distinction that is the essence of this sexual presence, I often wonder about the health of Muslim women’s sexuality here in America, where the social distinctions between private and public are disappearing in the face of reality television shows and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook

Many American Muslim women endorse the same public-private distinction found in the Muslim world, but where can these women turn to develop and explore their sexuality here in America? Given the growing trend to abolish personal boundaries with ever-invasive social media and the holistic integration of the sexes, there is an essential lack of established women-only spaces for American Muslim women. To qualify, I am not condoning or celebrating forced gender segregation. In fact, the idea of Muslim women’s sexuality thriving in private is not a phenomenon exclusive to countries that impose strict gender segregation. Both Naomi Wolf and Fatima Mernissi have written about the vibrant, private sexuality of the women of Jordan, Egypt, and Morocco – all countries where women enjoy relative freedom of mobility. From their accounts, I deduce that this sexuality exists away from the public eye at least in part because these women choose to keep sexuality alive and healthy where it is considered most appropriate – in private.

These private spaces are distinct from what many American Muslim women often think of when they hear the words “female-only spaces;” I am not talking about women’s sections in mosques. In fact, I believe that the full partitioning off of the sexes in religious centers promotes unhealthy gender relations and prevents women from becoming functioning members of our religious community. The private spaces referred to in this article are instead institutionalized social spaces in which women are free to explore all aspects of their identity – defining their sexuality as part and parcel of their vulnerability and even spirituality. And, as a further note of clarification, these private spaces are not the over-sexualized harems that often show up in Hollywood movies; they are places where women can form an identity, embrace the beauty of being a woman without feeling pressured to starve their way to a size zero, learn from and support one another, and flourish among other women.

Without the appropriate private spaces to develop their sexuality, women are notably at risk because female sexuality can easily transform from a source of a woman’s power to a source of emotional weakness. Here in America, the pervasiveness of blatant, public sexuality has resulted in female sexuality becoming incredibly accessible and attainable. With no shortage of supply, American men are now able to dictate the terms of their access to female sexuality. One such example is the rise of casual sex – an incredibly male-centric view of sex and pleasure, especially given that women are predisposed to suffer more emotionally from casual sex because of the higher amounts of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, that they release during physical intimacy. “Women are still more vulnerable than men, and while many women have embraced a casual sex ethic, they often express regret after engaging in casual sex.” Yet more and more American women have accepted casual sex as an appropriate channeling of their sexuality because, with the mystery and allure of female sexuality severely muted by the public nature of American sex, women have lost the sexual advantage and men’s sexual ideals now dominate sexual practices. While in the Muslim world, men are so aware of the power of female sexuality that they, according to Mernissi, possess a palpable fear of being abandoned by their women, it seems that women in America are taught to tiptoe around the idea of commitment out of fear that their men will leave them for greener, less constricting pastures.

The male-centric sexual mores that dominate American society have particularly negative consequences for American Muslim women, for whom casual sex and casual relationships with men are usually not an option. For these women – both those with and without hijab – the choice not to expose their sexuality in public spaces can have painful consequences as they are easily overlooked by American Muslim men as being too cold and rigid to be approached. If the Muslim world understands the absence of public female sexuality as testimony to its vibrant presence in private spaces, in American Muslim communities this absence is often seen as testament to the fact that American Muslim women’s sexuality does not exist at all. Furthermore, without easy access to female sexuality, men of the Muslim world are motivated to pursue what lies hidden behind the public-private divide according to the terms dictated by the women they pursue. But here in America, American Muslim men no longer have to jump through hoops for women’s affection and can afford to be distracted by the sexiness abound.

Even when an American Muslim woman is able to find a mate, the gnawing feeling of once being sexually undesired and the accompanying unfamiliarity with being a sexual being in private spaces can lead to difficulties in marriage. When a woman is not familiar with the power of her sexuality, being thrust into the murky waters of marriage, commitment and family can leave her desperately trying to stay afloat. While women in the Muslim world seem to be considerably attuned to the art of using their sexuality to keep a marriage healthy, here in America, Muslim women lack access to the same collective knowledge bases and seem naïve as to the secrets of womanhood and intimate relationships. Growing up in the west, it is hard not to internalize the Orientalist notion that we are the ones who export progress to the Muslim world, but I wonder if in this instance, when it comes to learning about the power of female sexuality and the importance of developing and harnessing it in private spaces, we Americans might this time take our cue from the other side of the world.

 

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